hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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