my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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