I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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