Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
