why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
