I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
