Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
