like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
