I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She said her name was "party"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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