My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
high people should be assigned attendants
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
