Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
