i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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