Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
