We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
