Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
