Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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