if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
