I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
