3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
