You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize