yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
