i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He had one of those small greek statue penises
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
