oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
