I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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