I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
