Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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