from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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