Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
