Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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