Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
