I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
