If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
