Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
