I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
