I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
