I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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