He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I love having hate sex.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Randomize
