i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
