i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
