yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
