why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
