toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
