While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
