I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
