The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
