U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize