I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Boobs speak an international language.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He shit in the fireplace
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
