I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
there is glitter all over my balls
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