you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
