yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't turn off my feet"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
