rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
