Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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