You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
