Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
