Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
