dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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