I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
