I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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