I accidentally burped into my bong.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
