she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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