I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
