this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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