Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
the liver wants what the liver wants
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
