She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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