He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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