OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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