just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize