nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
